apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
