he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
