I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
