I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
