I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
