last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
