My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
