Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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