Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
