So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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