No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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