If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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