He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
