i think i have herpe
just one?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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