is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
two words...techno handjob
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
