Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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