You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
