I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
