I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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