Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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