I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
