I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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