Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize