I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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