I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
