I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
