just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
