There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
