his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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