guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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