Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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