oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
