I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
