Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
