I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
