He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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