Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
