Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
