Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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