Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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