I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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