I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
