You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
