She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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