that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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