And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
