How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
