I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
sarcasm needs its own font
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
