I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize