Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
