It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
