Well apparently he's into motor boating.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Success! We fucked roommates!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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