ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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