i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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