What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
