GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
