Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
