My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
