Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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