I think I am morally bankrupt
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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