sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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