The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
