people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
