My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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