I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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