worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
