What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
